all just words

I wrote these words in July of 2018.
Seven years later, as another cycle comes to a close, I'm publishing them.

As someone who works in education, I could tell you of many things.

On this blog, I have at times tried.

So I won't tell of you of many things, but instead a story.

And not even the full story, but merely the ending of a chapter.

I have formally resigned from my position as a leader in a school.
My final day here will be on July 13th, 2018.

It will be almost exactly two years since I started.

There are many challenges in any leadership role, let alone being a leader in a public state school.

I think in no small part because of the role that we ask leaders to fill.

When society asks the school leaders to foster and improve the identified academic and behavioural needs of 300 students, provide ESOL support for 30 of our 300, ensure the delivery of ongoing and appropriate professional development, whilst supporting the HR needs of teaching and support staff, consider the technology designs for IT and device support, and strategically deliver the multi-layered budgeting needs for every single one of these aspects.

Then this is by definition a complex and challenging role.

You then combine all of these "hard factors", with "soft factors" that a school leader must navigate through, namely:

• parental expectation of what the school can/should/must be for their child
• media judgement of what every school can/should/must be all the time
• teacher assumptions of what a school can/should/must be for them
• student engagement in what a school can/should/must be

And you might begin to consider the daily reality of this role.

The time in my current school has been filled with challenge and opportunity.

It is a school that is resilient and supportive.
It is a school that cares for many unique students.
It is a school that's evolving physically.
It is a school that is starting to make some systemic shifts.

I'm proud to say I had a small part to play in that shift.

I have learned about the challenges of leading up and leading through.
I have learned that it is lonely being a leader.
I have learned what it is to be a useful leader.

A worthy leader.

And that I am capable of being so.

Some might say - but that is what it is - that’s the role - deal with it.

Whilst I would agree with that to an extent, I moving on not because of the existence of these demanding challenges, but because they are constant and endless in our schools.

They constantly affect us as humans in these roles.

The efforts that must be engaged in, so as to create useful conversations to address those challenges.
The conversations and care that are required to ensure there is honesty and support for all of those involved.

Those conversations and efforts cost every school leader.

They cost us time.
They cost us emotional energy.
They cost us relationships.
They cost us in ways immeasurable.

My partner stopped me in my tracks when she said, "It's not the stories that you tell me that stress me out the most. It's the stories that you don't tell me."

How much have we internalised uncritically, as educators, without recognising what it costs us.
How much have we normalised so that we can continue justifying our efforts and the work we love?

How fair is that on ourselves?
On our partners and on our children?
On the communities we are responsible for?

So I’m not walking away from working in education as a reaction to being in this particular school, but as a response to knowing what being in any school will continue to be.

I do this knowing the discrete benefits and beautifully soulful rewards of this profession as well as the costs - weighing them equally and choosing for me and mine.

As such, and for now, I’m not going to any other leadership in a school role.
I’m not sure what role I will have after July 2018.

I began my teaching career in 2005.

G.W. Bush had just begun his second term as President.
The first Youtube video was uploaded.
Hurricane Katrina made landfall.
Star Wars Episode 3 was released.

A lifetime ago, far, far away.

Really only yesterday.

But all of these are just words, and now, I get to tell a new story.

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world, mad world
- Donnie Darko